This is a story based on actual events. Some of the names, people, places and events have been changed to protect the identity of the events, places and people. The what, who, when, where and why often need protection from the why, where, when, who and what.
Just the other day I was taking a nap with my cats and we had the strangest dream. We dreamt I was a cat. Mercury and Hermes, my two cats, took me back in time. I mean real far back in time. The first thing you realize while traveling through time is "time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." All time is cyclical but it is never the same time twice. We had gone so far back it was just the three of us and the unknown. We could understand the unknown and the unknown could understand us.
The unknown immediately charged us with the duty of overseeing the world after it was created. This was even before Adam and Eve and that damn fat baby with the flaming sword and that yellow glyph that means: "No Cats Allowed". I swear that fat bastard just likes scaring cats. If they had let cats in I don't think they would have had that snake problem later on. Our job was to maintain balance and ensure the world’s progress. We patrolled the world and we did our jobs well at first. We ensured that each creature and being was thriving and growing. We checked for balance making sure that the small and weak still had a chance to live.
It did not take us long however to find out that we would much rather lay about in the sunshine, chasing butterflies and cherry blossoms. People watching was always a good time. If we did not invent people watching surely we perfected it. People were so clever in that Rube Goldberg nonsensical way. Even back then people did everything backwards or the hard way. It was all so amusing until the trouble started.
The first to get busted was Hermes. He is such a connoisseur of comfort. He had found the perfect tree for sleeping on. It was the perfect shape and always warm. He fell asleep so hard he slept for three days. When he woke up it was to the unknown chastising him. The world had gone crazy. I believe that this was when the first mule was conceived, do not ask me how right now but these are the sort of things that just happened when we were not paying attention. Sleeping on the job, it happens even to the best of us sometimes.
I was the second cat to get caught. As I was walking through a cherry grove a blossom started to fall. It was so graceful and hypnotic that I sat there transfixed by this dying beauty. It made me question my dedication and all meaning. I sat in melencolia for six days. The unknown caught me in negligence of my duty. Our crew now had two strikes against us.
The final one too get caught was Mercury. It was not to long after Adam and Eve and their little run in with that snake. You know Adam and that fat cherub at the gate though, they are dog people. I told them we were dog lovers too.
Anyways, Mercury was watching humans (that is his favorite thing to do). Humans had begun to alter the world to humanities needs. In this particular case he was watching a woman weave baskets. He had seen it before. Humans had been making clothing and tools for many years now. It was so fascinating to watch. As she wove the basket, a burr fell to the ground. Annoyed, she swatted it away in his direction. When it came into his reach, he batted at it. Then, because he could, he did it again. Then again, and again, and again. By the time the unknown found him, he had been playing with this burr for possibly days on end. He had lost track of time but he did know that he had batted it one thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine times. Now the unknown had also caught him lacking dedication to our duty. Third strike was the charm for us.
After the third and last time we got busted we told the unknown that the task would be better suited to another creature. We cats were too easily distracted and amused by the simple things to watch the larger world. When asked what creature should take our place, we recommended humans. Already they have proven themselves more thoughtful and attentive than cats. Approving our suggestion the unknown gave humans a gift to help them succeed in their duties. The unknown gave them language to use among themselves though they may never understand the unknown language.
Now in the modern world it may seem strange but there is no greater gift. Language is what enables knowledge to spread. Now the innovations passed from parent to child to far off descendants and across groups of people. It enables culture. Now an idea could be communicated and acted upon. Creativity could thrive. Languages were the building blocks of society. Before it humans were simple, but clever, animals hiding out in caves. Humans now could overcome the hardships of the world together.
Cats also retained a gift. They (and some Pentecostals I'm told) can speak in tongues, not often, but when necessary. They can bridge the divine for mankind, but only when they desire. This is a gift greater than human speech and now they were free. No longer would they have to force themselves to be attentive. Now they could enjoy life and though they still watch over the world it is more out of curiosity than obligation.
They are no longer beings bound by obligation and duty.
This story was mostly composed by two cats. I was, for the most part, just the translator.I was also instructed to pass along an important message that cats never forget but humans often do.
Do not imagine you can improve the world. It can not be done. The world is sacred. It can not be improved only ruined. Treat it as an object and you will lose it. It is not a possession, it possesses us.
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