Princess, Tom and a School of Fish

I was watching the pond out my back door and I caught some animals having a conversation today.

Princess the large orange neighbors cat was sitting by the pond talking to a school of fish when Tom the wise old turtle of the pond came wandering along.

Tom looked at Princess and said: Wonerful weather today isn't it? Princess, who alway thinks Tom is a slow old fool, just nodded in agreement.

As Tom slowly climbed into the pond he said to the fish: How is the water today? The school of fish all just looked at each other puzzled.

As Tom swam away I heard one of the fish say: What the fuck is water?

The Myth of Ichabod

There once was a huge boulder, perched precariously, on the edge of a cliff. For hundreds of years this boulder was there, rocking and swaying, but always keeping its balance just perfectly.

But one year, there happened to be a sever windstorm; severe enough it was, to topple the boulder from its majectic height and dash it to the bottom of the cliff, far far below. Needless to say, the boulder was smashed into many pieces. Where it hit, the ground was covered with a carpet of pebbles--some small and some large--but pebbles and pebbles and more pebbles for as far as you could walk in an hour.

One day, after all this, a young man by the name of Ichabod happened on the area. Being a fellow of keen mind and observational powers, naturally he was quite astounded to see so many stones scattered so closely on the ground. Now Ichabod was very much interested in the nature of things, and he spent the whole afternoon looking at pebbles, and measuring the size of pebbles, and feeling the weight of pebbles, and just pondering about pebbles in general.

He spent the night there, not wanting to lose this miraculous find, and awoke the next morning full of enthusiasm. He spent many days on his carpet of stones.

Eventually he noticed a very strange thing. There were three rather large stones on the carpet and they formed a triangle--almost (but not quite) equilateral. He was amazed. Looking further he found four very white stones that were arranged in a lopsided square. Then he saw that by disregarding one white stone and thinking of that grey stone a foot over instead, it was a perfect square! And if you chose this stone, and that stone, and that one, and that one and that one you have a pentagon as large as the triangle. And here a small hexagon. And there a square partially inside of the hexagon. And a decagon. And two triangles inter-locked. And a circle. And a smaller circle within the circle. And a triangle within that which has a red stone, a grey stone and a white stone.

Ichabod spent many hours finding many designs that became more and more complicated as his powers of observation grew with practice. Then he began to log his designs in a large leather book; and as he counted designs and described them, the pages began to fill as the sun continued to return.

He had begun his second ledger when a friend came by. His friend was a poet and also interested in the nature of things.

"My friend," cried Ichabod, "come quickly! I have discovered the most wonderous thing in the universe." The poet hurried over to him, quite anxious to see what it was.

Ichabod showed him the carpet of stones...but the poet only laughed and said "It's nothing but scattered rocks!"

"But look," said Ichabod, "see this triangle and that square and that and that." And he proceeded to show his friend the harvest of his many days study. When the poet saw the designs in the ledgers and by the time he was finished with these, he too was overwhelmed.

He began to write poetry about the marvelous designs. And as he wrote and contemplated he became sure that the designs must mean something. Such order and beauty is too monumental to be senseless. And the designs were there, Ichabod had showed him that.

The poet went back to the village and read his new poetry. And all who heard him went to the cliff to see first hand the carpet of designs. And all returned to the village to spread the word. Then as the enthusiasm grew there developed a group of those who love beauty and nature, all of whom went to live right at the Designs themselves. Together they wanted to see every design that was there.

Some wrote ledger about just triangles. Others described the circles. Others concentrated on red colored stones--and they happened to be the first to see designs springing from outside the carpet. They, and some others, saw designs everywhere they went.

"How blind we have been," they said.

The movement grew and grew and grew. And all who could see the designs knew that they had to have been put there by a Great Force. "Nothing but a Great Force," said the philosophers, "could create this immense beauty!"

"Yes," said the world, "nothing but a g-d could create such magnificent order. Nothing but a g-d."

And that was the day that g-d was born. And ever since then, all have known It for Its infinite power and all have loved It for Its infinite wisdom.

Warring with Life by Jason L. Ammerman edited by D. D. Daringer

Warring with Life Time is only relevant if you have somewhere to be. Jason L. Ammerman Indianapolis, Indiana 2021 Wrapped around me The artifact Its hands clicking The future Dreamed up science fiction Television script from 1966 Wireless No squares Bummed out Righteous but got no bread Dig this groovy scene Unconnected with the real Connected in real time spiders webs Getting older Midlife Congratulations! You made it! No finish line Just a change of clown suits Show off my curves All in my head Baggage Luggage Company No one argues as long as we buy the drinks Poison Killing Canonized Temple Minefield Watch Tik-tok Grace the universe I have somewhere to be I don't want to win this race Calves Cuts Knots Rubbed out Spinal speculation Kids today Vitamins Mask wearing professionals Box of life Front porch step Latex gloves Life Ray Bradbury Onion skin paper Human vulnerability Sainthood Birth life Death Halfway? Wooden Spirits Futures minus language Babble know it well Hummmmmmm of the garbage Domicile Revving Before the light turns red Hurry! Smoke a cigarette Dream Warring Please be only the halfway point We don't want to finish this race Congratulations! You made it! Falling apart under heavy tread We couldn't stop Cynthia Scott Donald Emmy Bryce Austin Brittney Martha children's children Jason Rhonda Gavin Bono No more heroes Halfway point Daydreaming Alternate dimensions Sits wondering Life dimensions Failure Time is a relevative destination You made it! Scott 1992 Gavin 2013 my watch wispers "Time is a mausoleum of hopes and desires. The reducto absurdum of human experience. You may forget it now and then but it can not be conquered. No battle against it has ever been won. The battle field only reveals to mortals their own folly and despair. Victory is an illusion of philosophers, and fools." Don't immanentize the eschaton! Midlife Congratulations! You made it!

Three Cool Cats Take a Nap

This is a story based on actual events. Some of the names, people, places and events have been changed to protect the identity of the events, places and people. The what, who, when, where and why often need protection from the why, where, when, who and what.

Just the other day I was taking a nap with my cats and we had the strangest dream. We dreamt I was a cat. Mercury and Hermes, my two cats, took me back in time. I mean real far back in time. The first thing you realize while traveling through time is "time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." All time is cyclical but it is never the same time twice. We had gone so far back it was just the three of us and the unknown. We could understand the unknown and the unknown could understand us.

The unknown immediately charged us with the duty of overseeing the world after it was created. This was even before Adam and Eve and that damn fat baby with the flaming sword and that yellow glyph that means: "No Cats Allowed". I swear that fat bastard just likes scaring cats. If they had let cats in I don't think they would have had that snake problem later on. Our job was to maintain balance and ensure the world’s progress. We patrolled the world and we did our jobs well at first. We ensured that each creature and being was thriving and growing. We checked for balance making sure that the small and weak still had a chance to live.

It did not take us long however to find out that we would much rather lay about in the sunshine, chasing butterflies and cherry blossoms. People watching was always a good time. If we did not invent people watching surely we perfected it. People were so clever in that Rube Goldberg nonsensical way. Even back then people did everything backwards or the hard way. It was all so amusing until the trouble started.

The first to get busted was Hermes. He is such a connoisseur of comfort. He had found the perfect tree for sleeping on. It was the perfect shape and always warm. He fell asleep so hard he slept for three days. When he woke up it was to the unknown chastising him. The world had gone crazy. I believe that this was when the first mule was conceived, do not ask me how right now but these are the sort of things that just happened when we were not paying attention. Sleeping on the job, it happens even to the best of us sometimes.

I was the second cat to get caught. As I was walking through a cherry grove a blossom started to fall. It was so graceful and hypnotic that I sat there transfixed by this dying beauty. It made me question my dedication and all meaning. I sat in melencolia for six days. The unknown caught me in negligence of my duty. Our crew now had two strikes against us.

The final one too get caught was Mercury. It was not to long after Adam and Eve and their little run in with that snake. You know Adam and that fat cherub at the gate though, they are dog people. I told them we were dog lovers too.

Anyways, Mercury was watching humans (that is his favorite thing to do). Humans had begun to alter the world to humanities needs. In this particular case he was watching a woman weave baskets. He had seen it before. Humans had been making clothing and tools for many years now. It was so fascinating to watch. As she wove the basket, a burr fell to the ground. Annoyed, she swatted it away in his direction. When it came into his reach, he batted at it. Then, because he could, he did it again. Then again, and again, and again. By the time the unknown found him, he had been playing with this burr for possibly days on end. He had lost track of time but he did know that he had batted it one thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine times. Now the unknown had also caught him lacking dedication to our duty. Third strike was the charm for us.

After the third and last time we got busted we told the unknown that the task would be better suited to another creature. We cats were too easily distracted and amused by the simple things to watch the larger world. When asked what creature should take our place, we recommended humans. Already they have proven themselves more thoughtful and attentive than cats. Approving our suggestion the unknown gave humans a gift to help them succeed in their duties. The unknown gave them language to use among themselves though they may never understand the unknown language.

Now in the modern world it may seem strange but there is no greater gift. Language is what enables knowledge to spread. Now the innovations passed from parent to child to far off descendants and across groups of people. It enables culture. Now an idea could be communicated and acted upon. Creativity could thrive. Languages were the building blocks of society. Before it humans were simple, but clever, animals hiding out in caves. Humans now could overcome the hardships of the world together.

Cats also retained a gift. They (and some Pentecostals I'm told) can speak in tongues, not often, but when necessary. They can bridge the divine for mankind, but only when they desire. This is a gift greater than human speech and now they were free. No longer would they have to force themselves to be attentive. Now they could enjoy life and though they still watch over the world it is more out of curiosity than obligation.

They are no longer beings bound by obligation and duty.

This story was mostly composed by two cats. I was, for the most part, just the translator.I was also instructed to pass along an important message that cats never forget but humans often do.

Do not imagine you can improve the world. It can not be done. The world is sacred. It can not be improved only ruined. Treat it as an object and you will lose it. It is not a possession, it possesses us.